Plans on year 2009

This could possibility
be the last post of the year 2008...
Well honestly ,
to think back what i had did this year...
and to think far ahead what's going to happen next year
lastly the conclusion is
'' I DONT KNOW WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN TO ME ''
i have 0% of confidence to face
next year's challenge...
I m feeling kinda down this few weeks
thinking of what's going to happen...
seriously i know that more pressure is going come,
more tears will be wasted
but...
what is the worst to come...
how much longer can i suffer...
what is the worst step that i would take if i cant take it anymore...
I m totally lost now...
I wanna make a right choice next year...
I wanna leave here...
Althought they had been telling me that i have been given
a lot not just freedom but also
many other things that maybe other parents wouldnt affort to give their kids...
Yes , i admit i have a lot which other kids dont have...
and wouldnt have the chance to have it...
But what is better then parents understand what their kid feel about
and what they really want...
I m really sick of trying to convince them what i really want...
Like they always said...
'' Why do you like to saty inside your room for the whole day beside having your dinner and taking your bath... ''
OK the reason i like to stay in my room ,
dating my computer whole day is because...
1.I dont feel like home when i have one and even leave in it.
2.You guys dont understand what i m trying to say.
3.Online is the only way which i really get someone to talk with even if its just typing.
4.There is hardly anyone i can communicate with in the house.
I m human myself
i have my own pressure...
i understand you guys have too
but since we cant communicate well,
i need my own way to release my stress too...by chatting online ><
And to way to reduce your stress is
by appearing less in front of you...
so you all wouldnt get angry on whatever things you suddenly think of...
and to appear less i need to get myself busy online...
This is why i date my pc so much...
And you guys keep on repeating the same thing...
arent you not satisfied...
I understand and i had already got what u mean longer enough...
i m not a kid anymore i know what you are trying to tell me
but i dont show it doesnt mean i dont understand
i some ways you guys are good parents
and someways you fail to be parents......
The only way i can do now is to hope for the best to come...
and hoping the speed of passing the year 2009 goes faster...
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and also hope that 2009 wouldnt be the end of my life.....